You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.
A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.
I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are.
If you have no faith, you've lost your battle.
I don't have a problem believing in God and Jesus. But in Genesis one has to wonder about these sentences that just go on and end without finishing. The thought is unfinished. Where did Adam go? What is he doing? Hello? There has to be some pages missing.
Gray hair is God's graffiti.
Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.
Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
I think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against women, profanity, being gangster, having multiple children with multiple men and women and not wanting to is prevalent. When you look at the majority of shows on television they placate that kind of behavior.
I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you're acting the fool, 'you know I worry about you sometimes.'
Family is conflict and it's something that we all relate to.
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