Fred A. Allen Quotes

A collection of quotes by Fred A. Allen.

Fred A. Allen is a figure who remains relatively unknown. No information is available about his background, achievements, or contributions.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred peopl

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in hist

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do noth

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane hol

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he h

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each oth

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and -- I can't remember what the third thing is.

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition fro

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it wi

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Ancestry Ancestors

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 am and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 p.m. to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.