Garrison Keillor Quotes

A collection of quotes by Garrison Keillor.

Garrison Keillor is an American author, storyteller, humorist, and radio personality. He was born on August 7, 1942, in Anoka, Minnesota. Keillor is best known for creating and hosting the popular radio show "A Prairie Home Companion," which he hosted from 1974 until his retirement in 2016.

Keillor started his career in radio at the University of Minnesota, where he worked for the campus radio station. He later moved to New York City and began writing for The New Yorker magazine. In 1974, he created his radio show, "A Prairie Home Companion," which started as a live variety show that celebrated American folk music, humor, and storytelling. The show became a beloved institution and aired on public radio stations across the United States.

Apart from his radio career, Keillor has written numerous books, including novels, short stories, and collections of humorous essays. Some of his notable works include "Lake Wobegon Days," "Pontoon," and "WLT: A Radio Romance." Keillor's writing often reflects his nostalgic and witty storytelling style while exploring themes of small-town America and the human condition.

Throughout his career, Keillor received multiple awards and honors, including a Grammy Award for his recording of "Lake Wobegon Days" and a National Humanities Medal. He remains an iconic figure in American radio and is widely respected as a masterful storyteller and entertainer.

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

Garrison Keillor

Book You Gift Open Again

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.

Garrison Keillor

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do n

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals tha

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Garrison Keillor

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

Garrison Keillor

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck wit

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

Garrison Keillor

If I could explain it to the average person, I wouldn't have

If I could explain it to the average person, I wouldn't have been worth the Nobel Prize.

Richard Feynman

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Garrison Keillor

Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we

Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won't feel so thankful then.

Garrison Keillor

Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is t

Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists in the room will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.

Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.

Garrison Keillor

Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don

Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in the saddle and look upon their troops with a noble and benevolent and extremely nearsighted gaze.

Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is Get it? When you say that, e

The funniest line in English is Get it? When you say that, everyone chortles.

Garrison Keillor

I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of

I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy.

Garrison Keillor

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Garrison Keillor

One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Luthe

One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Lutheran Brotherhood and must re negotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120.00 for a suit.

Garrison Keillor

Debt / Borrow / Loan

People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern

People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, 'Where are you from?' doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know?

Garrison Keillor

I believe that sometimes you have to look reality in the eye

I believe that sometimes you have to look reality in the eye and deny it.

Garrison Keillor