Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.
Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.
A lot of music is mathematics. It's balance.
Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
I don't believe in this business of being behind, better to be in front.
I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.
Look, I really don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive, you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, you've got to make a lot of noise, because life is the very opposite of death.
Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.
Well, just being stupid and politically incorrect doesn't work. You can be politically incorrect if you're smart.
Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him.
As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.
I was a soldier in WWII. The last couple of months of the war I was actually in combat.
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