Sloane Crosley Quotes

A collection of quotes by Sloane Crosley.

Sloane Crosley is an American writer known for her witty and humorous essays. Born in 1978, she grew up in White Plains, New York, and later attended Connecticut College. Crosley gained recognition with her debut collection of essays titled "I Was Told There'd Be Cake" in 2008, which became a New York Times bestseller. She has since published several other essay collections, including "How Did You Get This Number" and "Look Alive Out There." Crosley's writing often explores her own personal experiences and observations, offering insightful and entertaining commentary on modern life and relationships.

There's already a marriage clock, a career clock, a biologic

There's already a marriage clock, a career clock, a biological clock. Sometimes being a woman feels like standing in the lobby of a hotel, looking at the dials depicting every time zone in the world behind the front desk - except they all apply to you, and all at once.

My personality, when tasked with creating meals, goes someth

My personality, when tasked with creating meals, goes something like this: Is there a way we can make this more difficult? Because let's do that. I don't mean to complicate things. It's just - why buy pre-packaged potato salad when you can spend your morning boiling potatoes and flipping out because there's no dill in the house?

Alaska is what happens when Willy Wonka and the witch from H

Alaska is what happens when Willy Wonka and the witch from Hansel and Gretel elope, buy a place together upstate, renounce their sweet teeth, and turn into health fanatics.

The reason that war is such a fascinating subject for writer

The reason that war is such a fascinating subject for writers is because it's a revealer. Put a bunch of people in an adrenaline-fuelled, life-or-death situation and their fundamental behaviours are exposed, the scrim is taken away and the motivations behind each personality come out to play.

My mother is a special education teacher but also an artist,

My mother is a special education teacher but also an artist, and my father an advertising executive. They are about as wacky as you can get without being alcoholics.

Brits and Americans have hundreds of different phrases for t

Brits and Americans have hundreds of different phrases for the same thing. Luckily, it's usually a source of amusement rather than frustration. A flashlight by any other name is still a torch. My personal favourite is 'fairy lights,' which we boringly refer to as 'Christmas lights.'

Personal technology has given us the freedom of being able t

Personal technology has given us the freedom of being able to do whatever we want - and in the case of celebrities and athletes, whomever they want. But it can also serve as a humiliation jetpack.

I hope to one day co-sign a lease with another person but, w

I hope to one day co-sign a lease with another person but, well, it doesn't plague me that I have yet to do so. Put it this way: I've never had to violently tug at my own pillow at 2 A.M. to get myself to stop snoring.

If I go into a sandwich shop or anywhere that features 'Toda

If I go into a sandwich shop or anywhere that features 'Today's specials' on a chalkboard more than 10 feet away, I have to ask for a printed menu. I smile at people I don't know on the street and ignore those I do. When at home, I often find myself grabbing my 'back-up' glasses to search for the better-loved pair I have left on top of my dresser.

I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Preten

I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.

I'm a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good s

I'm a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory.

I like to try to do a little work before I do anything in th

I like to try to do a little work before I do anything in the morning, even if it's a paragraph.

Ah, the power of two. There's nothing quite like it. Especia

Ah, the power of two. There's nothing quite like it. Especially when it comes to paying utility bills, parenting, cooking elaborate meals, purchasing a grown-up bed, jumping rope and lifting heavy machinery. The world favours pairs. Who wants to waste the wood building an ark for singletons?

Since graduation, I have measured time in 4-by-5-inch pieces

Since graduation, I have measured time in 4-by-5-inch pieces of paper, four days on the left and three on the right. Every social engagement, interview, reading, flight, doctor's appointment, birthday and dry-cleaning reminder has been handwritten between metal loops.

For me, titles are either a natural two-second experience or

For me, titles are either a natural two-second experience or stressful enough to give you an ulcer. If they don't pop out perfect on the first try, they can be really hard to repair. Or, worse, if the author thinks they pop out perfect, but the publishing house does not agree, it's difficult to shift gears. And then? Then you go insane.

The Queen of Crafts herself, Martha Stewart, and I have the

The Queen of Crafts herself, Martha Stewart, and I have the same birthday. I prefer to think it's the glue-gun wielding, perfect-tart-producing Martha and not the copper pan-throwing, jail-going Martha. But I suppose if I am going to share a calendar square with some of Martha, I have to share it with all of Martha.

The truth is, I wrote a novel when I was 23. It's hideously

The truth is, I wrote a novel when I was 23. It's hideously bad. Truly rotten.

I was diagnosed with a severe temporal spatial deficit, a le

I was diagnosed with a severe temporal spatial deficit, a learning disability that means I have zero spatial relations skills. It was official: I was a genius trapped in an idiot's body.

Like most citizens of popular and international urban centre

Like most citizens of popular and international urban centres, I don't take advantage of the cultural opportunities. Perhaps this comes from growing up in suburbia. Home is where you eat, sleep, read, watch television and ignore your parents. It is not where you go to the ballet and then attend a heated panel discussion about it afterwards.

You can't possibly fathom the ins and outs of a prepubescent

You can't possibly fathom the ins and outs of a prepubescent beauty treatment until you've felt the strange but exhilarating tingle of a cottage-cheese-and-Pop-Rocks facial.