Tim Vine Quotes

A collection of quotes by Tim Vine.

Tim Vine is a British comedian and actor known for his rapid-fire one-liners and puns. Born on March 4, 1967, in Cheam, Surrey, Vine began his career on the stand-up comedy circuit in the late 1990s. He is a regular at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe and has won the Perrier Best Newcomer Award and the Edinburgh Award for his performances. Vine has also appeared on various television shows, including "Not Going Out" and "The Royal Variety Performance." With his quick wit and clever wordplay, Vine has become a beloved figure in British comedy.

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying t

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.

I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.

One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that

One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't p

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, an

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' -

People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.''

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.