I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.
It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning that it was someone else.
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are to finishing it. You take Diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.
Every Gag I tell must be based on truth. No matter how much I may exaggerate it, it must have a certain amount of Truth.... Now Rumor travels Faster, but it don't stay put as long as Truth.
Why not go out on a limb? That's where the fruit is.
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and their politicians as jokes.
A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
Even if you are on the right track, youâ€™ll get run over if you just sit there.
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
It's great to be great, but it's greater to be human.
I've often said there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse.
Being a hero is about the shortest lived profession on earth.
The main thing about being a hero is to know when to die.
My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.
America is a great country, but you can't live in it for nothing.
I wonder if it isn't just cowardice instead of generosity that makes us give tips.
Strangers are just friends I haven't met yet.
Lord, let me live until I die.
There is nothing so stupid as an educated man, if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket.
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