Woody Allen Quotes

A collection of quotes by Woody Allen.

Woody Allen is a prominent American filmmaker, comedian, writer, and actor. Born Allen Stewart Konigsberg on December 1, 1935, in Brooklyn, New York, he grew up in a Jewish family. Allen developed a passion for comedy at an early age and began writing jokes and scripts for television and comedy clubs.

In the early 1960s, Allen started his career as a stand-up comedian, known for his witty one-liners and neurotic persona. He soon branched out into filmmaking, directing and starring in his first movie, "What's Up, Tiger Lily?" in 1966. Throughout his career, Allen has directed over 50 films, including celebrated classics like "Annie Hall" (1977), "Manhattan" (1979), and "Hannah and Her Sisters" (1986). His movies often explore themes of relationships, existentialism, and the human condition, with a distinctive blend of humor and introspection.

Aside from his work in film, Allen has also written numerous plays, essays, and books. He has won several accolades throughout his career, including four Academy Awards and nine British Academy Film Awards. Despite some controversies and personal hardships, Woody Allen remains a highly regarded and influential figure in the world of cinema. His distinct comedic style, sharp dialogue, and ability to navigate complex emotions have solidified his status as a legendary filmmaker.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

Regarding love... what can you say? It's not the quantity of

Regarding love... what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.

I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a c

I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. Th

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

I am at two with nature.

I am at two with nature.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath a

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.

My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .

To you, I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

To you, I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a g

There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.

Humor Funny Science Academics

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

Life Truth Lies

Death is a state of non-being. That which is not, does not e

Death is a state of non-being. That which is not, does not exist. Therefore death does not exist. Only truth exists. Truth and beauty. Each is interchangeable, but are aspects of themselves. Er, what specifically did they say they had in mind for me?

Death Truth Beauty Mind

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

Happiness Love Comedy Suffering Writers

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the mone

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not w

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a

For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunda

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.