To me, my biggest fear is getting a big head, and that is when I get the hammer. Because it's very easy in this game to believe you're something special.
Living en famille provides the strongest motives for rudeness combined with the maximum opportunity for displaying it.
Quentin Crisp
Love is the extra effort we make in our dealings with those whom we do not like and once you understand that, you understand all. This idea that love overtakes you is nonsense. This is but a polite manifestation of sex. To love another you have to undertake some fragment of their destiny.
Manners are love in a cool climate.
Because it is in the nature of things that they become extreme, we have passed down from manliness to cruelty. If I had been told when I was 20 that there was a tavern in the town where the brave and the cruel were gathered together, I would have run all the way and I would have gone up to the largest and leatheriest of the denizens and said: If you truly love me, kill the bartender.
Keeping up with the Joneses was a full-time job with my mother and father. It was not until many years later when I lived alone that I realized how much cheaper it was to drag the Joneses down to my level.
In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.
My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.
However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.
The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as Soho poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent.
It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom.
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn't give enough.
Decency must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep.
Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps.
A gentleman doesn't pounce he glides. If a woman sits on a piece of furniture which permits your sitting beside her, you are free to regard this as an invitation, though not an unequivocal one.
The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.
Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses.
Euphemisms are not, as many young people think, useless verbiage for that which can and should be said bluntly; they are like secret agents on a delicate mission, they must airily pass by a stinking mess with barely so much as a nod of the head, make their point of constructive criticism and continue on in calm forbearance. Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.
If you describe things as better than they are, you are considered to be a romantic; if you describe things as worse than they are, you will be called a realist; and if you describe things exactly as they are, you will be thought of as a satirist.
The young always have the same problem -- how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.
Life is a game in which the rules are constantly changing; nothing spoils a game more than those who take it seriously. Adultery? Phooey! You should never subjugate yourself to another nor seek the subjugation of someone else to yourself. If you follow that Crispian principle you will be able to say Phooey, too, instead of reaching for your gun when you fancy yourself betrayed.
The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency.
It's amazing how much of this is mental. Everybody's in good shape. Everybody knows how to ski. Everybody has good equipment. When it really boils down to it, it's who wants it the most, and who's the most confident on his skis.
Reggie Crist
Venus is now astrologically square with Pluto. That means there isn't a hip planet left.
Jim Critchfield
The Moon is opposing Jupiter. Don't get involved, it's their problem.
You are wise, witty and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of stuff.
Unless a capacity for thinking be accompanied by a capacity for action, a superior mind exists in torture.
Benedetto Croce
Fame is like a shaved pig with a greased tail, and it is only after it has slipped through the hands of some thousands, that some fellow, by mere chance, holds on to it!
Davy Crockett
Remember that a government big enough to give you everything you want is also big enough to take away everything you have.
Be always sure your are right, then go ahead.
I am now here in Congress I am at liberty to vote as my conscience and judgment dictates to be right, without the yoke of any party on me, or the driver at my heels, with his whip in hand, commanding me to ge-wo-haw, just at his pleasure.
In peace the sons bury their fathers, but in war the fathers bury their sons.
Croesus
There is a wheel on the affairs of men revolve and its mechanism is such that it prevents any man from being always fortunate.
I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
Roy Croft
Subtlety may deceive you; integrity never will.
Oliver Cromwell
No man rises so high as he knows not whither he goes.
What is all our histories, but God showing himself, shaking and trampling on everything that he has not planted.
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