As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.
Ere to sleepThou liest down, prepare to guard thy life--A man is friendless in the hour of trial. . . .I to the needy gave, the orphan nourished,Esteemed alike the lowly and the great;But he who ate my bread made insurrection,And those my hands raised up, occasion seizedRebellion to create. . . . They went aboutAll uniformed in garments that I gaveAnd deemed me but a shadow. . . . Those who sharedMy perfumes for anointment, rose betimesAnd broke into my harem.
Love ENDURES and works out ways of enduring the other stuff. As long as you can communicate you can work out issues, but good communication seems to be one of the weakest skills in human beings, so don't be afraid to try and try different ways of communicating, be patient. Don't be afraid of seeking help either - the chance to keep love alive is too important to let fear get in the way.