I love the imagery of struggle. I sometimes wish I were suffering in a good cause, or risking my life for the good of others, instead of just being a gravely endangered patient. Allow me to inform you, though, that when you sit in a room with a set of other finalists, and kindly people bring a huge transparent bag of poison and plug it into your arm, and you either read or don't read a book while the venom sack gradually empties itself into your system, the image of the ardent solider is the very last one that will occur to you. You feel swamped with passivity and impotence: dissolving in powerlessness like a sugar lump in water.

Summary

In this quote, the speaker reflects on their perception of struggle and desire for a more purposeful existence. They express fascination with the idea of facing hardships for noble causes rather than being a helpless patient. However, they quickly dismantle their romanticized perspective by recounting a personal experience. The imagery shifts to being administered a deadly poison as a patient, emphasizing the feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, and immobility that overwhelm them. This serves as a stark contrast to the heroic and active image of a soldier, highlighting the speaker's recognition of the grim reality they face in their situation.

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