What made losing someone you loved bearable was not remembering but forgetting. Forgetting small things first... it's amazing how much you could forget, and everything you forgot made that person less alive inside you until you could finally endure it. After more time passed you could let yourself remember, even want to remember. But even then what you felt those first days could return and remind you the grief was still there, like old barbed wire embedded in a tree's heartwood.

Summary

This quote highlights the idea that forgetting, rather than remembering, is often what helps in coping with the loss of a loved one. Initially, the process of forgetting small details about the person gradually diminishes their presence within one's own being, making the pain of their absence more bearable. Time allows for the possibility of remembering and even desiring to remember, but the intense emotions and grief experienced in the early stages can resurface unexpectedly, akin to the lingering pain of barbed wire entrenched deep within a tree.

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