Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th'ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.

Summary

This quote humorously illustrates the power and influence of the newspaper in society. It suggests that the newspaper plays multiple roles, from shaping public opinion to controlling government institutions and financial systems. Additionally, it highlights how newspapers mediate various personal and social events, such as baptisms, marriages, and funerals. With its ability to affect both the vulnerable and the privileged, the quote portrays the newspaper as an omnipresent and influential force that has a hand in almost every aspect of life.

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