Anyone who thinks impressions of old movie actors is funny absolutely cannot be trusted. I think it's like a law of nature.

A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.

John Burroughs

In the world of the celebrity, the hierarchy of publicity has replaced the hierarchy of descent and even of great wealth.

C. Wright Mills

As Daddy said, life is 95 percent anticipation.

Gloria Swanson

The sky is falling. The sun is rising.

Steven Wright

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

Garrison Keillor, We Are Still M

The one who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it

Source Unknown

Civilized society is perpetually menaced with disintegration through this primary hostility of men towards one another.

Sigmund Freud

The moment you cheat for the sake of beauty, you know you're an artist.

David Hockney

A dull, decent people, cherishing and fortifying their dullness behind a quarter of a million bayonets.

George Orwell

To suppose such a thing possible as a society, in which men, who are able and willing to work, cannot support their families, and ought, with a great part of the women, to be compelled to lead a life of celibacy, for fear of having children to be starved; to suppose such a thing possible is monstrous.

William Cobbett

The whole life is but a point of time; let us enjoy it, therefore, while it lasts, and not spend it to no purpose.

Plutarch

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

Gilbert Gottfried