Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

Work was impossible. The geeks had broken my spirit. They had done too many things wrong. It was never like this for Mencken. He lived like a Prussian gambler -- sweating worse than Bryant on some nights and drunker than Judas on others. It was all a dehumanized nightmare...and these raddled cretins have the gall to complain about my deadlines.

Hunter S. Thompson, Bad Nerves i

For one who reads, there is no limit to the number of lives that may be lived, for fiction, biography, and history offer an inexhaustible number of lives in many parts of the world, in all periods of time.

Louis L'Amour

Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

Lyndon B. Johnson

I love trainwrecks on live TV.

Giuliana Rancic

Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.

Michael Levine

A man does not die of love or his liver or even of old age; he dies of being a man.

Percival Arland Ussher

Radical changes in world politics leave America with a heightened responsibility to be, for the world, an example of a genuinely free, democratic, just and humane society.

Pope John Paul II

Induction is the glory of science and the scandal of philosophy.

C. D. Broad

Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when called upon to act according with the dictates of reason.

Oscar Wilde

But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.

Albert Camus

Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.

Will Cuppy

The three-year-old who lies about taking a cookie isn't really a liar after all. He simply can't control his impulses. He then convinces himself of a new truth and, eager for your approval, reports the version that he knows will make you happy.

Cathy Rindner Tempelsman