The first duty of a human being is to assume the right functional relationship to society - more briefly, to find your real job, and do it.

I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes...

Steven Wright

The dread of lonliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.

Cyril Connolly

If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.

Gregory David Roberts

Travel is a fools paradise.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

We went to a small lake, Bass Lake. It was beautiful. It was perfectly still when we got there in the morning. The fog was lifting off the water. It was just magical. And we did catch some fish, 13 fish.

Jennifer Granholm

Previous to the time of Pascal, who would have thought of measuring doubt and belief? Who could have conceived that the investigation of petty games of chance would have led to the most sublime branch of mathematical science - the theory of probabilities?

William Stanley Jevons

Any new venture goes through the following stages: Enthusiasm, complication, disillusionment, search for the guilty, punishment of the innocent and decoration of those who did nothing.

Anon.

The deductive method is the mode of using knowledge, and the inductive method the mode of acquiring it.

Henry Mayhew

My earlier views at the unsoundness of the Christian scheme of salvation and the human origin of the scriptures, have become clearer and stronger with advancing years and I see no reason for thinking I shall ever change them

Abraham Lincoln

I look upon death to be as necessary to our constitution as sleep. We shall rise refreshed in the morning.

Benjamin Franklin

The great person is ahead of their time, the smart make something out of it, and the blockhead, sets themselves against it.

Jean Baudrillard

When the good lord calls you home, the government ought not come get your home.

Rick Perry