I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use.

William James

There is good news tonight.

Gabriel Heatter

Tobacco, coffee, alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine, are weak dilutions the surest poison is time.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it

Mark Twain

When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.

Artemus Ward

By heaven we understand a state of happiness infinite in degree, and endless in duration.

Benjamin Franklin

Stung by the splendor of a sudden thought.

Robert Browning

In politics, nothing happens by accident. If it happens, you can bet it was planned that way.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

What if Barack Obama established a Presidential Advisory Committee that would meet once every couple of months, bringing together the former presidents for a conference in order to seek their collective wisdom? There is a wealth of experience in former presidents that generally goes untapped.

Tony Campolo

The thing about football - the important thing about football - is that it is not just about football.

Terry Pratchett

You just can't beat the person who never gives up.

Babe Ruth

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain