All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

I do like the world quite a lot.

Shannon Hale

This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.

Charles Monroe Schulz

The really unhappy person is the one who leaves undone what they can do, and starts doing what they don't understand; no wonder they come to grief.

Johann von Goethe

I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else.

Jonathan Safran Foer

I was so ugly...my mother used to feed me with a sling shot!

Rodney Dangerfield

Good nature is worth more than knowledge, more than money, more than honor, to the persons who possess it.

Henry Ward Beecher

Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed

Mahatma Gandhi

Cities force growth and make people talkative and entertaining, but they also make them artificial.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

God gave us free will so that we might choose our own destinies. He left it up to us to achieve them.

R.M. ArceJaeger

Every man is a divinity in disguise, a god playing the fool.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution. That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties. And not to Democrats alone do I make this appeal, but to all who love these great and true principles.

Abraham Lincoln

Whenever the lion fish in the fish tank in the captain's ready room died it was always a sad moment.

Patrick Stewart