Just me onstage with a mike having an intimate relationship with the audience. I don't get nervous for that. I just get excited.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Phyllis Diller

True education makes for inequality; the inequality of individuality, the inequality of success, the glorious inequality of talent, of genius; for inequality, not mediocrity, individual superiority, not standardization, is the measure of the progress of the world.

Felix E. Schelling

Don't live by my words, don't die by them, chew them slowly digest them, and smile if they give nourishment to your soul.

Stanley Victor Paskavich

Journalists should denounce government by public opinion polls.

Dan Rather

It was through the feeling of wonder that men now and at first began to philosophize.

Aristotle

War is an invention of the human mind. The human mind can invent peace with justice.

Norman Cousins

Don't knock the rich. When did a poor person give you a job?

Laurence J. Peter

Waste forces within him, and a desert all around, this man stood still on his way across a silent terrace, and saw for a moment, lying in the wilderness before him, a mirage of honourable ambition, self-denial, and perseverance. In the fair city of this vision, there were airy galleries from which the loves and graces looked upon him, gardens in which the fruits of life hung ripening, waters of Hope that sparkled in his sight. A moment and it was gone. Climbing to a high chamber in a well of houses, he threw himself down in his clothes on a neglected bed, and its pillow was wet with wasted tears.

Charles Dickens

Life without decency is unbearable.

Albert Nobbs

A man's ability to haggle is never a turn-on. The only thing less romantic than how much you paid is how much you saved. The last thing we want to hear is how you talked the jeweler down on our new earrings.

Jennifer Coolidge

I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am the most certain of the first time.

Josh Billings

I hated the idea of a high school sweetheart. Growing up, oh my God, it just made me sick. I wanted to have a range of cool boyfriends. I wanted to travel around and date these interesting men. Then it just happened. You fall in love.

Charlotte Arnold