When I was a kid, I wanted to be serious, like Daniel Day-Lewis. No one really dreams of being a comic actor, do they? Now I realise how stupid that is - and it's because comic acting isn't taken seriously enough. It's a discipline. You know instantly - either you're funny and getting the laughs, or you're not.

Only bad golfers are lucky. They're the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.

Lee Trevino

Charm, in most men and nearly all women, is a decoration.

E. M. Forster

Politics in a literary work, is like a gun shot in the middle of a concert, something vulgar, and however, something which is impossible to ignore.

Stendhal

The right man, in the right place, at the right time, can steal millions.

Gregory Nunn

When I was 12 I cried to my mom, because I never got my letter to Hogwarts.

Sara Paxton

A Boss in Heaven is the best excuse for a boss on earth, therefore If God did exist, he would have to be abolished.

Mikhail Bakunin

For a quart of Ale is a dish for a King

William Shakespeare

The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.

Tom Bodett

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Steven Wright

In almost everything, experience is more valuable than precept.

Quintilian

I think people should know more of Africa in terms of its joie de vivre, its feeling for life. In spite of the images that one knows about Africa - the economic poverty, the corruption - there's a joy to living and a happiness in community, living together, in community life, which may be missing here in America.

Youssou N'Dour

He that drinks fast pays slow

Benjamin Franklin