Under loves heavy burden do I sink.--Romeo

Droughts are because God didn't pay his water bill.

Steven Wright

Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

Scott Adams

I believe that always, or almost always, in all childhood and in all the lives that follow them, the mother represents madness. Our mothers always remain the strangest, craziest people we've ever met.

Marguerite Duras

Here is a minute. It may be my love is dead, but here is a minute to kneel over the grave and pray by it.

William Makepeace Thackeray

Like most good looking women, she was never sure of her beauty, and had to keep checking on it, to make sure it was still there.

Josephine Humphreys

Apply yourself. Get all the education you can, but then, by God, do something. Don't just stand there, make it happen.

Lee Iacocca

Even if you only want to write science fiction, you should also read mysteries, poetry, mainstream literature, history, biography, philosophy, and science.

Walter Jon Williams

Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball, the rules and realities of the game.

Jacques Barzun

The fact that a believer is happier than a sceptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.

George Bernard Shaw

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

Steven Wright

It's the best way of telling the truth; it's a process of producing grand, beautiful, well-ordered lies that tell more truth than any assemblage of facts. Beyond that [it's] delight in, and play with, language; also, a curiously intimate way of communicating with people whom you will never meet.

Julian Barnes

Every man I meet is in some way my superior.

Ralph Waldo Emerson