Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN

Anon.

Excess of grief for the dead is madness for it is an injury to the living, and the dead know it not.

Xenophon

I'll find you again. Even if it takes a hundred of those years.

P.C. Cast

The collection of any taxes which are not absolutely required, which do not beyond reasonable doubt contribute to the public welfare, is only a species of legalized larceny. Under this republic the rewards of industry belong to those who earn them. The only constitutional tax is the tax which ministers to public necessity. The property of the country belongs to the people of the country. Their title is absolute. They do not support any privileged class; they do not need to maintain great military forces; they ought not to be burdened with a great array of public employees. They are not required to make any contribution to Government expenditures except that which they voluntarily assess upon themselves through the action of their own representatives. Whenever taxes become burdensome a remedy can be applied by the people; but if they do not act for themselves, no one can be very successful in acting for them.

Calvin Coolidge, Inaugural addre

A few years ago it dawned on me that everybody past a certain age ... pretty much constantly dreams of being able to escape from their lives. They don't want to be who they are any more. They want out. This list includes Thurston Howell the Third, Ann-Margret, the cat members of Rent, Václav Havel, space shuttle astronauts and Snuffleupagus. It's universal.

Douglas Coupland

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

Phyllis Diller

I've studied now Philosophy and Jurisprudence, Medicine -- and even, alas! Theology -- from end to end with labor keen; and here, poor fool with all my lore I stand, no wiser than before.

Johann von Goethe

Your race and gender don't change, but you can choose to change your political affiliation at will.

John Podhoretz

Politics was my third act. But I could have a fourth. I don't know what that will be yet, but there will be one.

Gary Ackerman

The evil queen was stupid to play Snow White's game. There's an age where a woman has to move on to another kind of power. Money, for example. Or a gun.

Chuck Palahniuk

On this mounting the scaffold to be beheaded: I pray you Master Lieutenant, see me safely up, and for my coming down, let me shift for myself. To the executioner: Pick up thy spirits, Man, and be not afraid to do thy office; my neck is very short; take heed, therefore thou strike not awry, for saving of thy honesty.

Source Unknown

Good luck beats early rising.

Proverb