Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me, so I knew what Augustus was doing. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a Sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile.

Summary

This quote reflects the speaker's past experiences of suppressing their emotions to shield their loved ones from sadness. The act of hiding tears becomes a coping mechanism to protect others from pain, as the individual believes their own expression of sadness would burden those who care for them. The internal struggle to maintain composure is portrayed through clenching teeth, forcing a smile, and swallowing the emotions that threaten to overwhelm. The quote highlights the societal pressure to prioritize the happiness of others and the inner battle between personal sorrow and the desire to shield loved ones from it.