When people meet me, many times they're very surprised because they expect someone who is kind of wacky with seven piercings and very hip and cool and New York City, and I'm not.

Probably the happiest period in life most frequently is in middle age, when the eager passions of youth are cooled, and the infirmities of age not yet begun; as we see that the shadows, which are at morning and evening so large, almost entirely disappear at midday.

Thomas Arnold

I am in the Master of Professional Writing program teaching Humor Writing, Literary and Dramatic.

Shelley Berman

The young sailor at sea was ordered to climb a mast to adjust a sail during a violent storm. He got halfway up, looked down, got dizzy and sick. An old sailor on deck shouted up to him Look up, son, look up. Young sailor looked up, regained his composure, and completed his mission. Moral: Look ahead, not back.

Source Unknown

Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.

Terry Pratchett

I am the Turquoise Woman's Son,On top of Belted Mountainbeautiful horses--slim like a weasel!My horse with a hoof like a striped agate,with his fetlock like a fine eagle plume:my horse whose legs are like quick lightningwhose body is an eagle-plumed arrow:my horse whose tail is like a trailing black cloud.The Little Holy Wind blows through his hair.My horse with a mane made of short rainbows.My horse with ears made of round corn.My horse with eyes made of big starts.My horse with a head made of mixed waters.My horse with teeth made of white shell.The long rainbow is in his mouth for a bridleand with it I guide him.

Anon., The War God's Horse Song,

My dad came out of the Roosevelt era and the Depression. One person and one party made a difference in his life. That's what everybody forgot when they called my father and other people political bosses.

Richard M. Daley

You cannot hold on to anything good. You must be continually giving -- and getting. You cannot hold on to your seed. You must sow it -- and reap anew. You cannot hold on to riches. You must use them and get other riches in return.

Robert Collier

The recent gain in the stock market is like climbing half-way up a ditch, which is great, but you're still in the ditch

Quinn Van Zanten

Don't you know that love isn't just going to bed? Love isn't an act, it's a whole life. It's staying with her now because she needs you; it's knowing you and she will still care about each other when sex and daydreams, fights and futures -- when all that's on the shelf and done with. Love -- why, I'll tell you what love is: it's you at seventy-five and her at seventy-one, each of you listening for the other's step in the next room, each afraid that a sudden silence, a sudden cry, could mean a lifetime's talk is over.

Brian Moore

I want to direct, write, produce... y'know, I love the entertainment industry.

Jason Marsden

Rule: Never perform card tricks for the people you play poker with.

Proverb

There are two kinds of men who never amount to much -- those who cannot do what they are told and those who can do nothing else.

Cyrus H. K Curtis