Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Larry David

Sending Paris Hilton to jail for being the most loathed celeprosy lesion in the history of the species seems like a happening idea at first - forty-five days at Century Regional Detention Center is so the new thirty days at Promises Malibu! But it sets a dangerous precedent to jail celebs just because someone hates them.

Rob Sheffield

Yes, we're still five little people with a noisy attitude.

Angus Young

The politician is like an acrobat : he keeps his balance By saying the opposite of what he does.

Barres

I am honored that my freshman class colleagues have put their trust in me to represent our historic class at the leadership table. The incoming freshman class of Representatives is large and diverse but we share many common goals including cutting wasteful spending, getting our economy back on track and making government smarter and more efficient.

Kristi Noem

To die, to sleep - To sleep, perchance to dream - ay, there's the rub,For in this sleep of death what dreams may come...

William Shakespeare

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

Mark Twain

The injustice of defeat lies in the fact that its most innocent victims are made to look like heartless accomplices. It is impossible to see behind defeat, the sacrifices, the austere performance of duty, the self-discipline and the vigilance that are there

Antoine De SaintExupery, Flight

If your batting average is high enough, the Big League will find you.

Source Unknown

Nowadays men cannot love seven night but they must have all their desires: that love may not endure by reason; for where they be soon accorded and hasty, heat soon it cooleth. Right so fareth love nowadays, soon hot soon cold: this is no stability. But the old love was not so.

Sir Thomas Malory

The truth is seldom welcome, especially at dinner.

Margaret Atwood

When you get older, your health becomes important to you, things start breaking down, you've always got a different ache or pain.

Tom Petty