Wine makes a man better pleased with himself. I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others... This is one of the disadvantages of wine, it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

I remember, when I was a kid, watching my mother jam herself into her girdle - a piece of equipment so rigid it could stand up on its own - and I remember her coming home from fancy parties and racing upstairs to extricate herself from its cruel iron grip.

Susan Orlean

The person whose doors I enter with most pleasure, and quit with most regret, never did me the smallest favor.

William Hazlitt

Attitudes to museums have changed. If it had Marilyn Monroe's knickers or Laurence Olivier's jockstrap they would flock to it.

Jonathan Miller

In the consciousness of the truth he has perceived, man now sees everywhere only the awfulness or the absurdity of existence and loathing seizes him.

Friedrich Nietzsche

I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.

Zach Galifianakis

Don't remember what you can infer.

Harry Tennant

The fear of God reigning in the heart is the beauty of the soul.

Matthew Henry

A lot of people are obsessed with looking cool. They feel they have to look after their image.

Adrian Edmondson

Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.

Marilyn vos Savant

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.

P. J. O'Rourke

I've noticed that my resolutions involve me not doing stuff that I wasn't going to do anyway so here's something more positive. I'm going to retrain as a Latin teacher in a provincial public school.

Arthur Smith

A man cannot be uncomfortable without his own approval

Mark Twain