Finley Peter Dunne Quotes

A collection of quotes by Finley Peter Dunne.

Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) was an American humorist and journalist best known for his creation of the fictional character Mr. Dooley. Born in Chicago, Dunne worked as a newspaper reporter and columnist, gaining popularity for his satirical and witty commentary on politics and social issues. Through the voice of Mr. Dooley, a fictional Irish bartender, Dunne provided astute observations on American society, politics, and human nature. His columns were widely syndicated and celebrated for their humor and insightful critique. Dunne's work remains influential in American humor and political satire.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Finley Peter Dunne

Time Past Better Looks Always Only

A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer

A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him.

Finley Peter Dunne


The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better -- it is just turning around as usual.

Finley Peter Dunne

World

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considera

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

Finley Peter Dunne

Men

Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you

Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it.

Finley Peter Dunne

Virtue

No, sir, th dimmycratic party aint on speakin terms with its

No, sir, th dimmycratic party aint on speakin terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an th other hisses Miscreent ye can bet theyre two dimmycratic leaders thryin to reunite th gran ol party.

Finley Peter Dunne


Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to

Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.

Finley Peter Dunne

Vegetarian

A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating,

A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.

Finley Peter Dunne

Men & Women

The past always looks better than it was because it isn't he

The past always looks better than it was because it isn't here.

Finley Peter Dunne

Past

Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.

Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.

Finley Peter Dunne

Motivational

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.

Finley Peter Dunne

Poverty

Don't jump on a man unless he is down.

Don't jump on a man unless he is down.

Finley Peter Dunne

Conflict

A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most

A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.

Finley Peter Dunne

Deception/lying

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good op

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.

Finley Peter Dunne

Alcohol/alcoholism

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would d

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

Finley Peter Dunne

Fanaticism

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.

Finley Peter Dunne

Education

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that th

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

Finley Peter Dunne

Food

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

Finley Peter Dunne

Trust