Humor Quotes

Thats not a bad word, hate and war are bad words, fuck isnt.

Judy Blume

Sometimes the sweetest wine is squeezed from the grapes of wrath

Jack Gallo

It's a lazy Saturday afternoon, there's a couple lying naked in bed reading Encyclopediea Brittannica to each other, and arguing about whether the Andromeda Galaxy is more 'numinous' than the Ressurection. Do they know how to have a good time, or don't they?

Carl Sagan

the one that can hurt you the most are the one that you really love

Salman Aditya

On their sofas of spice and feathers, the concubines also slept fretfully. In those days the Earth was still flat, and people dreamed often of falling over edges.

Tom Robbins

At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control

Josh Stern

Life... is like a grapefruit. Well, it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.

Douglas Adams

Friends humor and flatter us, they steal our time, they encourage our love of ease, they make us content with ourselves, they are the foes of our virtue and our glory.

John Lancaster Spalding

Did you let him know that if he can't see fit to return your blow job immediately, you will have no choice but to sue?

Meg Cabot

We love ourselves notwithstanding our faults, and we ought to love our friends in like manner.

Cyrus the Great

Renee was beautiful, but she was my friend now. On the other hand, Annette was my friend, but now she was beautiful. makes about as much sense as anything ever does with girls

Jordan Sonnenblick

It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes.

George Carlin

There is no reason to regard God as immune fromconsideration along the spectrum of probabilities. And there iscertainly no reason to suppose that, just because God can be neitherproved nor disproved, his probability of existence is 50 per cent.

Richard Dawkins

I know a woman loves me when she leaves me leftovers in the fridge from the date she went on the night before.?

Jarod Kintz

I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.?

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Anyone who believes that exponential economic growth can go on forever on a finite planet must either be a madman or an economist.

Kenneth Boulding

Why don't you find out for yourself?Then you'll see the glass, hidden in the grass.

Morrissey

The sexy don't get wrinkles, they add love lines like a tree adds rings. So climb on them for the view.

Bauvard

Nothing's a better cure for writer's block than to eat ice cream right out of the carton.

Don Roff

You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.

Ellen DeGeneres