Florence King Quotes

A collection of quotes by Florence King.

Florence King was an American conservative columnist, author, and humorist, known for her witty and sharp observations on various subjects. She was born on January 5, 1936, in Washington, D.C. and grew up in the southern state of Washington, North Carolina. King attended St. Mary's College in North Carolina and graduated in 1957.

After discovering her talent for writing, King began her career as a journalist, working for several newspapers and magazines. In 1974, she joined the National Review, a prominent conservative magazine, where she contributed as a columnist for over 30 years. King's writing often touched on social and political issues, displaying her distinctive and often unconventional conservative viewpoints.

Aside from her journalism, Florence King authored a number of books, including "Southern Ladies and Gentlemen" (1975), "Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady" (1985), and "With Charity Toward None: A Fond Look at Misanthropy" (1992). These works showcased her unique blend of humor, wit, and astute observations about her experiences growing up in the South and her views on modern society.

Florence King's writing style and fearless approach made her a beloved figure in conservative circles, revered for her biting and unapologetic commentary. She passed away on January 6, 2016, leaving behind a legacy of literary contributions that continue to resonate with readers today.

Americans worship creativity the way they worship physical b

Americans worship creativity the way they worship physical beauty - as a way of enjoying elitism without guilt: God did it.

Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterwa

Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward. Next to the first one in the morning, it's the best one of all. It tasted so good that even if I had been frigid I would have pretended otherwise just to be able to smoke it.

Morning

He travels fastest who travels alone, and that goes double f

He travels fastest who travels alone, and that goes double for she. Real feminism is spinsterhood.

Alone

Any hope that America would finally grow up vanished with th

Any hope that America would finally grow up vanished with the rise of fundamentalist Christianity. Fundamentalism, with its born-again regression, its pink-and-gold concept of heaven, its literal-mindedness, its rambunctious good cheer... its anti-intellectualism... its puerile hymns... and its faith-healing... are made to order for King Kid America.

Christianity

Americans worship creativity the way they worship physical b

Americans worship creativity the way they worship physical beauty -- as a way of enjoying elitism without guilt: God did it.

Creativity

American couples have gone to such lengths to avoid the inte

American couples have gone to such lengths to avoid the interference of in-laws that they have to pay marriage counselors to interfere between them.

Advice

I'd rather rot on my own floor than be found by a bunch of b

I'd rather rot on my own floor than be found by a bunch of bingo players in a nursing home.

Home

In its purest sense, nicknaming is an elitist ritual practic

In its purest sense, nicknaming is an elitist ritual practiced by those who cherish hierarchy. For preppies it's a smoke signal that allows Bunny to tell Pooky that they belong to the same tribe, while among the good old boys it serves the cause of masculine dominance by identifying Bear and Wrecker as Alpha males.

Identity

The proliferation of support groups suggests to me that too

The proliferation of support groups suggests to me that too many Americans are growing up in homes that do not contain a grandmother. A home without a grandmother is like an egg without salt and Helpists know it. They have jumped into the void left by the disappearance of morbid old ladies from the bosom of the American family.

Family

Owning your own home is America's unique recipe for avoiding

Owning your own home is America's unique recipe for avoiding revolution and promoting pseudo-equality at the same time. To keep citizens puttering in their yards instead of sputtering on the barricades, the government has gladly deprived itself of billions in tax revenues by letting home owners deduct mortgage interest payments.

Home

During the feminist seventies men were caught between a rock

During the feminist seventies men were caught between a rock and a hard-on; in the fathering eighties they are caught between good hugs and bad hugs.

Men

America is not a democracy, it's an absolute monarchy ruled

America is not a democracy, it's an absolute monarchy ruled by King Kid. In a nation of immigrants, the child is automatically more of an American than his parents. Americans regard children as what Mr. Hudson in Upstairs, Downstairs called betters. Aping their betters, American adults do their best to turn themselves into children. Puerility exercises droit de seigneur everywhere.

America

We want a president who is as much like an American tourist

We want a president who is as much like an American tourist as possible. Someone with the same goofy grin, the same innocent intentions, the same naive trust; a president with no conception of foreign policy and no discernible connection to the U.S. government, whose Nice Guyism will narrow the gap between the U.S. and us until nobody can tell the difference.

Presidency

Time has lost all meaning in that nightmare alley of the Wes

Time has lost all meaning in that nightmare alley of the Western world known as the American mind. We wallow in nostalgia but manage to get it all wrong. True nostalgia is an ephemeral composition of disjointed memories... but American-style nostalgia is about as ephemeral as copyrighted d?j? vu.

Remembrance

Any discussion of the problems of being funny in America wil

Any discussion of the problems of being funny in America will not make sense unless we substitute the word wit for humor. Humor inspires sympathetic good-natured laughter and is favored by the healing-power gang. Wit goes for the jugular, not the jocular, and it's the opposite of football; instead of building character, it tears it down.

Humor

Self-help books are making life downright unsafe. Women desp

Self-help books are making life downright unsafe. Women desperate to catch a man practice all the ploys recommended by these authors. Bump into him, trip over him, knock him down, spill something on him, scald him, but meet him.

Progress

The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit des

The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers and taking no prisoners.

Humor

People are so busy dreaming the American Dream, fantasizing

People are so busy dreaming the American Dream, fantasizing about what they could be or have a right to be, that they're all asleep at the switch. Consequently we are living in the Age of Human Error.

Mistakes

The vitamin has been reified. A chemical intangible original

The vitamin has been reified. A chemical intangible originally defined as a unit of nutritive value, it was long ago reified into a pill. Now it is a pill; no one except a few precise scientists define it as anything else. Once the vitamin became a pill, it became real according to the precepts of American Cartesianism: I swallow it, therefore it is.

Health

Those colorful denizens of male despair, the Bowery bum and

Those colorful denizens of male despair, the Bowery bum and the rail-riding hobo, have been replaced by the bag lady and the welfare mother. Women have even taken over Skid Row.

Poverty