Roy Blount, Jr. Quotes

A collection of quotes by Roy Blount, Jr..

Roy Blount, Jr. is an American humorist, journalist, and author. Born on October 4, 1941, in Indianapolis, Indiana, he grew up in Decatur, Georgia. Blount attended Vanderbilt University, where he received his bachelor's degree in English, and later completed his master's degree in English from Harvard University.

Blount's writing career kicked off during the 1970s when he became a regular contributor to various magazines, including Sports Illustrated and The Atlantic Monthly. Known for his witty and humorous style, he gained popularity through his satirical social commentaries, sports writing, and observations on American culture.

In addition to his essays and columns, Blount has written numerous books, covering a wide range of subjects. His works include "Crackers," a humorous take on Southern culture, "Feet on the Street: Rambles Around New Orleans," a collection of essays about the city's unique character, and "Alphabetter Juice: The Joy of Text," a playful exploration of language and its peculiarities.

Blount is also known for his appearances on various television shows, such as NPR's "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" and for his work as a panelist on the PBS show "Inside the Writers' Studio."

With a distinctive and irreverent writing style, Roy Blount, Jr. has amused readers and audiences for decades, and continues to be a well-respected and beloved voice in American humor and literature.

I heard on public radio recently, there's a thing called Wee

I heard on public radio recently, there's a thing called Weed Dating. Singles get together in a garden and weed and then they take turns, they keep matching up with other people. Two people will weed down one row and switch over with two other people. It's in Vermont. I don't think I'd be very good at Weed Dating.

Roy Blount, Jr.

Dating

If a cat spoke, it would say things like Hey, I don't see th

If a cat spoke, it would say things like Hey, I don't see the problem here.

Roy Blount, Jr.

Cats

A dog will make eye contact. A cat will, too, but a cat

A dog will make eye contact. A cat will, too, but a cat

Roy Blount, Jr.

Dogs

Okay. You are somewhere, at least in theory, between Butte a

Okay. You are somewhere, at least in theory, between Butte and Mobile, going faster than sound in a long metal container that is not in physical contact with anything. A slight jiggling sensation at your prostate (if you have one) is, essentially, all that is holding you up 30,000 feet above something that looks like a badly distressed suede jacket, but is in fact the surface of the earth. You have been served a brown puddle with a lump in it, a rectangle of pale-yellow congealment, and some kind of mineral-based salad. There is a wheeeeengneeeenngn noise. The jiggle-at-the-prostate feeling gives way to a kind of giving-way sensation. You are swallowed by a cloud. Rule one: Maintain perspective.

Roy Blount, Jr.

Travel

Studying literature at Harvard is like learning about women

Studying literature at Harvard is like learning about women at the Mayo Clinic.

Roy Blount, Jr.

Education

Contemporary American children, if they are old enough to gr

Contemporary American children, if they are old enough to grasp the concept of Santa Claus by Thanksgiving, are able to see through it by December 15th.

Roy Blount, Jr.

Thanksgiving

Think about scary movies: There's a fine line between horror

Think about scary movies: There's a fine line between horror and humor.

Roy Blount, Jr.

Humor

People may think of Southern humor in terms of missing teeth

People may think of Southern humor in terms of missing teeth and outhouse accidents, but the best of it is a rich vein running through the best of Southern literature.

Roy Blount, Jr.

Humor

The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better

The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'

Roy Blount, Jr.

Drugs

Somebody informed me recently that the key to every art, fro

Somebody informed me recently that the key to every art, from writing to gardening to sculpture, is creativity. I beg to differ.

Roy Blount, Jr.

Gardening