Adam Carolla Quotes

A collection of quotes by Adam Carolla.

Adam Carolla is a multifaceted entertainer known for his work as a comedian, radio personality, podcaster, author, and actor. He was born on May 27, 1964, in Los Angeles, California. Carolla began his career in radio as a boxing instructor who eventually found his way into broadcasting. He gained fame as the co-host of the nationally syndicated radio show "Loveline" alongside Dr. Drew Pinsky, where they dispensed relationship and sex advice to callers.

Carolla rose to greater prominence with his successful podcast, "The Adam Carolla Show," which holds the Guinness World Record as the most downloaded podcast. The show covers a wide range of topics, including comedy, interviews, and personal anecdotes. Additionally, he has authored several books, including the New York Times bestsellers "In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks" and "Not Taco Bell Material."

With a quick wit and acerbic humor, Carolla has built a strong following and has made numerous appearances on late-night talk shows, stand-up comedy stages, and television shows. He has also ventured into acting, appearing in films such as "The Hammer" and "Road Hard." Known for his outspoken nature and frank observations on various subjects, Carolla has established himself as a prominent figure in the entertainment industry.

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn't imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I'm gone for six days it feels like too much.

I've never really broken this down before, but, in movies, y

I've never really broken this down before, but, in movies, you almost have no connection to fans. And if you do TV, you're kind of connected, but they know you as the TV name not your real name. If you do radio, there's more of a bond there. And then if you do a podcast it's like you're literally inside of your fans.

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a dr

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wan

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money... and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn't very good at it.

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At leas

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks i

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'

I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to

I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.

The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.

The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.

I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no e

I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I h

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

I think we're getting to the point where everyone's getting

I think we're getting to the point where everyone's getting fat and everyone's getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can't walk from their front door to their car without a bottle of water in their hand because they have to hydrate every three and half steps.

I don't know anything about computers.

I don't know anything about computers.

My first car was a motorcycle.

My first car was a motorcycle.

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your fa

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can re

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.