My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day.
My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.
Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time.
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