To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it Whenever you're right, shut up.
If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.
God in his wisdom made the fly And then forgot to tell us why.
Life is sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating.
When people reject a truth or an untruth it is not because it is a truth or an untruth that they reject it. No, if it isn't in accord with their beliefs in the first place they simply say, Nothing doing, and refuse to inspect it.
And I also say Pooh for sweetness and light, And if you want to get the most out of life, why the thing to do is to be a gossiper by day and gossipee by night.
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.
Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.
And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.
They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
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