The comic is the perception of the opposite; humor is the feeling of it.

Alles Gescheite ist schon gedacht worden. Man muss nur versuchen, es noch einmal zu denken.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

Steven Wright

There are times when I think that the ideal library is composed solely of reference books. They are like understanding friends-always ready to change the subject when you have had enough of this or that.

J. Donald Adams

No man was ever so completely skilled in the conduct of life, as not to receive new information from age and experience.

Terence

Intelligence is the wife, imagination is the mistress, memory is the servant.

Victor Hugo

We love those who know the worst of us and don't turn their faces away.

Walker Percy

Heaven never helps the men who will not act.

Sophocles

You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.

Neil Simon

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Jackie Mason

A man must eat a peck of salt with his friend, before he knows him.

Miguel de Cervantes

Humility is the only true wisdom by which we prepare our minds for all the possible changes of life.

George Arliss

The most general definition of beauty... Multeity in Unity.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge