No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness.

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

Steven Wright

I moved into an allelectric house. I forgot and left the porchlight on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.

Steven Wright

If you are well off and can afford to spend ten or twenty-five dollars a day to hire some patient soul to listen to your troubles you can be readjusted to the crazy scheme of things and spare yourself the humiliation of becoming a Christian Scientist. You can have your ego trimmed or removed, as you wish, just like a wart or bunion.

Henry Miller

This man is freed from servile bands, Of hope to rise, or fear to fall Lord of himself, though not of lands, And leaving nothing, yet hath all.

Lord Byron

Self-revelation is a cruel process. The real picture, the real you never emerges. Looking for it is as bewildering as trying to know how you really look. Ten different mirrors show you ten different faces.

Shashi Deshpande

A critic never made or killed a book or a play. The people themselves are the final judges. It is their opinion that counts. After all, the final test is truth. But the trouble is that most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession and therefore are most economical in its use.

Mark Twain

That is ever the way. 'Tis all jealousy to the bride and good wishes to the corpse.

James M. Barrie

Men do not fail they give up trying.

Elihu Root

Pay beforehand if you would have your work poorly done.

Proverb

It's been proven that fitting more activity into your day can greatly improve your health.

Pierre Dukan

To devise an information processing system capable of getting along on its own - it must handle its own problems of programming, bookkeeping, communication and coordination with its users. It must appear to its users as a single, integrated personality.

Cliff Shaw

She was so fat that she wears a 'cross your thighs' bra

Rodney Dangerfield