Search for the truth. I tell you things and I always ask you to verify what I say. I told you yesterday that there was an attack and a retreat at Saddam's airport.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.

Grace Hansen

The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers.

Arthur Koestler

The art of acting consists in keeping people from coughing.

Benjamin Franklin

The first truth for special operations is that quality is more important than quantity.

Hugh Shelton

If those who are the enemies of innocent amusements had the direction of the world, they would take away the spring, and youth, the former from the year, the latter from human life.

Honore de Balzac

I would not unduly praise the virtue of restraint. It is often merely temperamental. But it is not always a sign of coldness. It may be pride. There can be nothing more humiliating than to see the shaft of one's emotion miss the mark of either laughter or tears. Nothing more humiliating! And this for the reason that should the mark be missed, should the open display of emotion fail to move, then it must perish unavoidably in disgust or contempt.

Joseph Conrad

Fifty percent of something is better than than one hundred percent of nothing.

Chuck Barris

We've got one life and the older we get the more we come to realize how short it is.

Brian Lumley

Success is steady progress toward one's personal goals

Jim Rohn

One must be poor to know the luxury of giving.

George Eliot

I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!

Kinky Friedman