Dave Barry Quotes

A collection of quotes by Dave Barry.

Dave Barry is an American author, humor columnist, and television commentator. He was born on July 3, 1947, in Armonk, New York. Barry began his career as a journalist in the early 1970s, working for various newspapers such as The Daily Local News and The Miami Herald. However, it was his witty and satirical humor column that gained him widespread recognition.

Starting in 1983, Barry's syndicated humor column appeared in over 500 newspapers worldwide, making him one of the most recognizable and beloved humorists of his time. His unique and often absurd writing style covered a wide range of topics, from everyday life observations to politics, and even the quirks of modern technology. Barry's ability to find humor in the mundane and his witty commentary on society captivated readers throughout his career.

In addition to his column, Dave Barry has authored numerous books, both fiction and non-fiction, which have achieved bestseller status. Notable titles include "Dave Barry Turns 40," "Dave Barry Does Japan," and "Lessons from Lucy: The Simple Joys of an Old, Happy Dog." He has also been awarded the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary in 1988.

Even after retiring from his regular column in 2004, Dave Barry continues to write books and occasionally contributes to various publications. His humorous insights and sharp wit have left an indelible mark on the literary and comedic landscape. N/A

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citiz

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Dave Barry

Patriotism

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarra

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.

Dave Barry

Teen

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a ge

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.

Dave Barry

Coffee (or Tea)

The word user is the word used by the computer professional

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

Dave Barry

Computers

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydroge

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

Dave Barry

Science

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totall

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.

Dave Barry

Trust

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely h

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

Dave Barry

Sports

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explai

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.

Dave Barry

Science

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of ag

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

Dave Barry

Age Religion

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

Dave Barry

Car

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from a

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

Dave Barry

Teen

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for th

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

Dave Barry

Computers