Humor Quotes

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Dave Barry

I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.

Oscar Wilde

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh.

Robert Orben

In those moments it's hard to remember that an angry voice is an invisible thing incapable of drawing blood.

Amanda Howells

The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. If the case be otherwise, I beg his pardon and extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship and call him brother. I shall always delight to meet an ass after my own heart when I have finished my travels.

Mark Twain

Because I trust in the ever-changing climate of the heart. (At least, today I feel that way.) I think it is necessary to have many experiences for the sake of feeling something; for the sake of being challenged, and for the sake of being expressive, to offer something to someone else, to learn what we are capable of.

Jason Mraz

All this talk about artificial intelligence is really just hype, it will take at least fifty years before we have to let them vote.

Kenneth Boulding

Having a sense of humor has served me more than it has hurt me - just in the sense that it has allowed me to keep my sanity.

Dee Dee Myers

I must confess that most modern mysticism seems to me to be simply a method of imparting useless knowledge in a form that no one can understand

Oscar Wilde

Many people could say things in a cutting way, Nanny knew. But Granny Weatherwax could in a cutting way. She could make something sound stupid just by hearing it.

Terry Pratchett

In fact we put so many things in our mouths we constantly have to be reminded what not to eat. Look at that little package of silicon gel that's inside your sneakers. It says DO NOT EAT for a reason. Somewhere sometime some genius bought a pair of sneakers and said Ooooh look. They give you free mints with the shoes

Morgan Spurlock

Each one of us comes out of our mother's body crying, with or without exceptions. But we are not aware of it. Are you? Do you remember that you cried the very first time you come out of your mother's body? If not, then why are you crying now?

Santosh Kalwar

A women can run, hide, play and have fun but she will shine far better when she just smiles without none.

Santosh Kalwar

A real scientist solves problems, not wails that they are unsolvable.

Anne McCaffrey

You silly Arthur! If you knew anything about...anything, which you don't, you would know that I adore you. Everyone in London knows it except you. It is a public scandal the way I adore you. I have been going about for the last six months telling the whole of society that I adore you. I wonder you consent to have anything to say to me. I have no character left at all. At least, I feel so happy that I am quite sure I have no character left at all.

Oscar Wilde

An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.

Jef Mallett

If your treated like a puppet find a new ball of string

Benny Bellamacina

No one can know your strength and weakness better than yourself.

Rahul Kumar Tilwani

Gwynned lies two days westwards; still further south, the weregeld calls. Mayhap with All-Father Woden's favour, my deeds may yet inspire the skalds.

George Gordon Byron

Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it.

H.L. Mencken