Humor Quotes

Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.?

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Nothing is so common as the desire to be remarkable.

William Shakespeare

Faced with an exciting question, science tended to provide the dullest possible answer.

David Sedaris

That woman doesn't have the sense God gave a retarded flea.

Nora Roberts

Something but not nothing because nothing is an infinite possibility.

Kyle Kipple

I have gone temporarily deaf and haven't any idea what you said, Harry.

J.K. Rowling

Life is All About How you Handle Plan BPlan A is always my first choice.You know, the one whereEverything works out to beHappily ever-after.But more often than not,I find myself dealing withThe upside-down, inside-out version --Where nothing goes as it should.It's at this point that the realTest of my character comes in..Do I sink, or do I swim?Do I wallow in self pity and play the victim,Or simply shift gearsAnd make the best of the situation?The choice is all mine...Life is all about how you handle Plan B.

Suzy Toronto

Humor does not diminish the pain - it makes the space around it get bigger.

Allen Klein

You can't make footprints in the sand of time if you're sitting on your butt, and who wants to make buttprints in the sand of time?

Bob Moawad

I love hearing my relations abused. It is the only thing that makes me put up with them at all. Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live nor the smallest instinct about when to die.

Oscar Wilde

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.?

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

What really holds their marriage together are mutual respect of an awesome depth, a shared sense of humor, faith that they were brought together by a force greater than themselves, and a love so unwavering and pure that it is sacred.

Dean Koontz

Laughter is carbonated holiness.

Anne Lamott

From now on when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I planned to say, Amnesiac.

Sue Monk Kidd

Good madonna, give me leave toprove you a fool.

William Shakespeare

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.?

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Nothing but good times ahead.

Jennifer Crusie

When I came out of anesthesia, I wanted two things: my husband and my dog. They wouldn't let the dog in the recovery room.

Sandy Nathan

A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?

Cassandra Clare

The married thing. Sometimes I look at it and feel like someone from a Dickens novel, standing outside in the cold and staring in at Christmas dinner. Relationships hadn't ever really worked for me. I think it's had something to do with all the demons, ghosts, and human sacrifice.

Jim Butcher