Humour Quotes

Thanks for not trying to see me when I looked like hell.To be fair, you still look pretty bad.

John Green

Anyway, as the old barrelhouse song says, My God, how the money rolled in. Norton must have subscribed to the old Puritan notion that the best way to figure out which folks God favours is by checking their bank acounts.

Stephen King

For my part, I am determined never to speak of it again to anybody. I told my sister Phillips so the other day.

Jane Austen

Be one of the crowd? It went against everything a wizard stood for, and a wizard would not stand for anything if he could sit down for it, but even sitting down, you had to stand out.

Terry Pratchett

He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one's eyes, and does not look at him.

Oscar Wilde

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

Rodney Dangerfield

Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.

Terry Pratchett

they are all silly and ignorant like other girls; but Lizzy has something more of quickness than her sisters.

Jane Austen

Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you server contact with your mothers.

Jodi Picoult

They were small, brightly coloured, happy little creatures who secreted some of the nastiest toxins in the world, which is why the job of looking after the large vivarium where they happily passed their days was given to first-year students, on the basis that if they got things wrong there wouldn't be too much education wasted.

Terry Pratchett