Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
Ambrose Bierce
Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
Mayonnaise, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.
Vote, v. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
Ocean: A body of water occupying about twothirds of a world made for man who has no gills.
A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Ocean: A body of water occupying two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego
The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
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