Erma Bombeck Quotes

A collection of quotes by Erma Bombeck.

Erma Bombeck was an American humorist and syndicated newspaper columnist, born on February 21, 1927, in Bellbrook, Ohio. She gained widespread recognition for her witty and relatable observations on the everyday trials and tribulations of suburban family life.

After earning a degree in English from the University of Dayton, Bombeck worked as a reporter for local newspapers before making the leap to a nationally syndicated column. Her column, titled "At Wit's End," was first published in 1965 and quickly gained a devoted following, ultimately reaching over 30 million readers through more than 900 newspapers.

Known for her ability to capture the humor in mundane situations, Bombeck's writing often touched on the challenges of motherhood, marriage, and household management. Her trademark self-deprecating humor endeared her to readers across the country, garnering her numerous accolades and best-selling book deals.

Throughout her career, Bombeck authored 12 books, many of which became instant successes and topped bestseller lists. Some of her most famous works include "The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank," "If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?," and "I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression." Her humorous yet heartfelt insights into the realities of family life resonated with readers of all ages and backgrounds.

Erma Bombeck passed away on April 22, 1996, leaving behind a captivating legacy that continues to entertain and inspire readers today.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They ar

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me..

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Kelle

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a si

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christma

There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occ

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking fo

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowl

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Truth Humor Funny

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Wome

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comed

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.

I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

Never accept a drink from a Urologist.

Never accept a drink from a Urologist.

Alcohol/alcoholism

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will t

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone els

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

We've got a generation now who were born with semi equality.

We've got a generation now who were born with semi equality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, No, t

Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, No, thank you, to dessert that night. And for what!Another version: Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.