Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
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