I applied for your love like a recent MBA grad might apply at Walmart today. I grew a beard on my chest and laughed through my ass just to get your attention.
He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.?
I long for your love like the length of a midget.
Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.?
To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone.?
The fields of science are full of crop circles that can't yet be explained by scientific means.
For being so ugly, I think God should reward me handsomely.
Do I attribute my success to hard work, or sunscreen? If you want the truth, maybe you should ask my new albino secretary. ?
The truth is like a nipple: the more you twist it, the more somebody is going to get hurt.
Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times.
The beautiful part about killing someone with an icicle is the murder weapon melts and then evaporates. And your assassination can be fruit flavored!?
Love will make a man do some funny things, like tightrope walking across a telephone wire, rather than simply picking up the phone to call or text.
I love Agatha like uh huh. I love her like an elephant needs nasty rhinoplasty and plastic rhino sex.
Love is the most precious gift you could ever possibly hope to steal. Some women foolishly do not leave their rib cages locked at night.?
After learning the foreign language Gibberish, I became a dream spokesman.
Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory. ?
Question for your life: If the man of your dreams existed in two dimensions only, would you try to print duplicates of him?
Love is like a blanket: it will keep you warm, but it might also suffocate you. Also, it's probably covered with cat hair--love, I mean.
I am the man of your dreams. Go back to sleep.?
Love is 3:33 am plus 360 degrees plus 365 days, minus 12:34 pm. I ought to know, because I weighed it myself.?
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