I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.

When women earn the money for the family, everyone in the family benefits. We also know that when women have an income, everyone wins because women dedicate 90% of the income to health, education, to food security, to the children, to the family, or to the community, so when women have an income, everybody wins.

Michelle Bachelet

The more man realises his humanity, the lonelier he feels.

Ali Shariati

When a man has once loved a woman he will do anything for her except continue to love her.

Oscar Wilde

If I may I would like to recite the Pledge of Allegiance and give you a definition for each word.I: me, an individual, a committee of one.Pledge: dedicate all of my worldly goods to give without self-pity.Allegiance: my love and my devotion.To the Flag: our standard, Old Glory, a symbol of freedom. Wherever she waves, there is respect because your loyalty has given her a dignity that shouts freedom is everybodys job.Of the United: that means that we have all come together.States: individual communities that have united into 48 great states, 48 individual communities with pride and dignity and purpose, all divided with imaginary boundaries, yet united to a common purpose, and thats love for country.Of America. And to the Republic: a state in which sovereign power is invested in representatives chosen by the people to govern. And government is the people and its from the people to the leaders, not from the leaders to the people.For which it stands. One nation: meaning, so blessed by God.Indivisible: incapable of being divided.With liberty: which is freedom and the right of power to live ones own life without threats or fear or some sort of retaliation.And justice: The principle or quality of dealing fairly with others.For all: which means its as much your country as it is mine.

Red Skelton

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

Rodney Dangerfield

Genius - To know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.

Ambrose Bierce

?We must make our choice between economy and liberty or confusion and servitude...If we run into such debts, we must be taxed in our meat and drink, in our necessities and comforts, in our labor and in our amusements...if we can prevent the government from wasting the labor of the people, under the pretense of caring for them, they will be happy.

Thomas Jefferson

It is absurd to hold that a man should be ashamed of an inability to defend himself with his limbs, but not ashamed of an inability to defend himself with speech and reason; for the use of rational speech is more distinctive of a human being than the use of his limbs.

Aristotle

To a poet the mere making of a poem can seem to solve the problem of truth, but only a problem of art is solved in poetry.

Laura Riding

Read much, but not many books.

Benjamin Franklin

The Rise And Fall Of Humanity...depends on how we treat each other. It must be either kindness

Timothy Pina

Let us go forth with fear and courage and rage to save the world.

Grace Paley