i had a dream that there were these huge indoor swimming pools called 'lobbies' that poor people used to do mass amounts of laundry

I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.

Plutarch

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

Rodney Dangerfield

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store...with a pricing gun...She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.

Steven Wright

You never see animals going through the absurd and often horrible fooleries of magic and religion. Dogs do not ritually urinate in the hope of persuading heaven to do the same and send down rain. Asses do not bray a liturgy to cloudless skies. Nor do cats attempt, by abstinence from cat's meat, to wheedle the feline spirits into benevolence. Only man behaves with such gratuitous folly. It is the price he has to pay for being intelligent but not, as yet, quite intelligent enough.

Aldous Huxley

A man's dreams are an index to his greatness.

Zadok Rabinwitz

In my book I specifically discussed the structural nature of injustice and offered Nine Touchstones of Goddess ethics as an alternative to the Ten Commandments of Biblical religion.

Carol P. Christ

I thought it was a wonderfully conceptual act actually, to fire a replica pistol at a figurehead -- the guy could have been working for Andy Warhol!

J. G. Ballard

Think not I came to send peace on the earth; I came not to send peace but a sword.

Bible

The future is the past returning through another gate.

Arnold Glasgow

And now, this is the sweetest and most glorious day that ever my eyes did see.

Donald Cargill

The growing influence of women is the one reassuring thing in our political life.

Oscar Wilde

As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!

Coco Chanel