I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. I'm trying to make sure the jokes are self-contained so they're accessible to everyone.

Well the country songs themselves are three-chord stories, ballads which are mostly sad. If you are already feeling sorry for yourself when you listen to them they will take you to an even sadder place.

Willie Nelson

Sport is a wonderful metaphor for life. Of all the sports that I played - skiing, baseball, fishing - there is no greater example than golf, because you're playing against yourself and nature.

Robert Redford

Through our great good fortune, in our youth our hearts were touched with fire. It was given to us to learn at the outset that life is a profound and passionate thing.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

The best way to get praise is to die.

Italian Proverb

Don't quack like a duck, soar like an eagle.

Ken Blanchard

Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here lies interred in the eternity of the past, from whence there is no resurrection for the days -- whatever there may be for the dust -- the thirty-third year of an ill-spent life, which, after a lingering disease of many months sank into a lethargy, and expired, January 22d, 1821, A.D. leaving a successor inconsolable for the very loss which occasioned its existence.

Lord (George Gordon) Byron

One must be a somebody before they can have a enemy. One must be a force before he can be resisted by another force.

Madame Swetchine

I try and eat really healthy when I'm home, but I certainly don't eat worms and snakes.

Bear Grylls

I like the outdoors and the natural world. Environmental issues.

Mackenzie Crook

Truth is important than anything. But you have to know how to handle it well.

Dee White

As someone who grew up in the Bronx, I certainly learned my share of four-letter words, but none are more powerful than nice.

Linda Kaplan Thaler