The worst of it is that I am perpetually being punished for nothing; this governor loves to punish, and he punishes by taking my books away from me. It's perfectly awful to let the mind grind itself away between the upper and nether millstones of regret and remorse without respite; with books my life would be livable -- any life.

When I'm not thanked at all, I'm thanked enough, I've done my duty, and I've done no more.

Henry Fielding

When I was eight, I played Little League. I was on first; I stole third; I went straight across. Earlier that week, I learned that the shortest distance between two points was a straight line. I took advantage of that knowledge.

Steven Wright

Two things reduce prejudice: education and laughter.

Laurence J. Peter

If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' what is the opposite of 'progress'?

Paul Harvey

When I was a kid, I took 'The Brady Bunch' and 'The Partridge Family' very seriously. It was a world to me in the same way that the Greek myths would have been had I read them. You know, Marcia is Athena and Mr. Brady is Zeus.

George Saunders

Mystery is the wisdom of blockheads

Horace Walpole

No relief was forthcoming from my then-Catholic faith, which said the practice of homosexuality was a 'mortal sin' subject to damnation.

James McGreevey

Yet 'Reality' is just whatever illusion we believe in

Fola

My mother brought me magicians and witches, because I was very ugly, really revolting. So she thought somebody had put a spell on me - this is the truth - so she made me drink some horrible terrifying potions, for year.

Roberto Benigni

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

Mark Twain

May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.

Voltaire (FrançoisMarie Arouet)

Intellectuals may like to think of themselves as people who speak truth to power but too often they are people who speak lies to gain power.

Thomas Sowell