Humorous Quotes

wear flannel next to your skin, and never believe in eternal punishment.

Julian Barnes

When one is too old for love, one finds great comfort in good dinners.

Zora Neale Hurston

Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese.

Eoin Colfer

Writing is my passion, not my job. I need to write as much as I need to breathe, if not more.

A.E. Croft

you don't know until you know!

Ruth Lizana-Jackson

That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing, but you end up famished after the last notes of the finale.

E.A. Bucchianeri

You gotta want it.

Bill Murray

And I remind you of your mother now? I have got to look into a manlier cologne.

Cassandra Clare

You can crab over the morning paper and kick the shins of the guy in the next seat at the movies and feel mean and discouraged and sneer at the politicians but there are a lot of nice people in the world just the same.

Raymond Chandler

If you are not dancing, your dead.

Lisa Alpine

I know that not all my readers like my digressions, but the research that has been done on Caenorhabditis elegans is such a ringing triumph of science that you aren't going to stop me.

Richard Dawkins

If only, I thought, I could talk to Eugene just one more time. This was before I came to understand that you cannot make someone fall in love with you But here's what you can do. By arguing and pleading and screaming and crying and throwing plates and phoning a lot and bringing hot food and sending flowers and buying gifts and doing unsolicited favors and remembering a birthday and being nice and declaring your abiding love and trying hard or sometimes merely by being present, you can make someone who was hitherto lukewarm really detest you.

Patricia Marx

(About sweeping)....What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

Terry Pratchett

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.

Cassandra Clare

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it is the burning bush, in that case the value of your bird just went up!!

Neil Leckman

[Mrs. Allen was] never satisfied with the day unless she spent the chief of it by the side of Mrs. Thorpe, in what they called conversation, but in which there was scarcely ever any exchange of opinion, and not often any resemblance of subject, for Mrs. Thorpe talked chiefly of her children, and Mrs. Allen of her gowns.

Jane Austen

do you know why Satan is so angry all the time?, Because whenever he works a particularly clever bit of mischief God uses it to serve his own Rigteous purposes. So God uses wicked people as his tools? God gives us the freedom to to do great evil, if we choose, Then He uses his own freedom to create goodness out of that evil, for that is what He chooses. So, in the long run, God always wins? Yes, in the short run though it Can be uncomfortable.

Orson Scott Card

On the morning in question, she wore white shorts and a pink T-shirt that featured a green dragon breathing a fire of orange glitter. It is difficult to explain how awesome I found this T-shirt at the time.

John Green

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane.

Terry Pratchett

But beauty, real beauty, ends where an intellectual expression begins.

Oscar Wilde