Comedian Quotes

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Groucho Marx

One also hears a great deal about how this awful joint tenure of the executive mansion was a good thing in that it conferred 'experience' on the despised and much-deceived wife. Well, the main 'experience' involved the comprehensive fouling-up of the nation's health-care arrangements, so as to make them considerably worse than they had been before and to create an opening for the worst-of-all-worlds option of the so-called HMO, combining as it did the maximum of capitalist gouging with the maximum of socialistic bureaucracy. This abysmal outcome, forgiven for no reason that I can perceive, was the individual responsibility of the woman who now seems to think it entitles her to the presidency.

Christopher Hitchens

Everything's about company. A gourmet meal with an a-----e is a horrible meal.

Chris Rock

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

George Carlin

I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing.

Dave Chappelle